John Henry Cardinal Newman

I think that Newman’s “A Definition of a Gentleman” should be a must read for ever man. The definition may date back to the Victorian age, but the principles and concepts carry on through the present.

A modern day gentleman is hard to find in its purist form, but that doesn’t mean that we as men cannot strive to be modern day gentlemen. Newman says

Hence it is that it is almost a definition of a gentleman to say he is one who never inflicts pain. This description is both refined and, as far as it goes, accurate. He is mainly occupied in merely removing the obstacles which hinder the free and unembarrassed action of those about him; and he concurs with their movements rather than takes the initiative himself.

This selection almost sums up the entire definition. A gentleman is one who makes it his goal to make life easier for the people that surround him. He need not be the one to start a new idea, but he can be the one to agree with his friends and encourage and help them in their endeavors. A gentleman does not need to be loud and garner attention in a social setting, he should be the one who is sitting back out of the spotlight, seeing what needs to be done, and how he can help to make it so. I also enjoyed the following selection from the definition.

He has his eyes on all his company; he is tender towards the bashful, gentle towards the distant, and merciful towards the absurd;

He is constantly watching and taking in information, he treats the bashful with tenderness, the absurd with mercy, he does not make emotionally based decisions, he thinks about the situation and then returns with a response.

If he engages in controversy of any kind, his disciplined intellect preserves him from the blundering discourtesy of better, perhaps, but less educated minds; who, like blunt weapons, tear and hack instead of cutting clean, who mistake the point in argument, waste their strength on trifles, misconceive their adversary, and leave the question more involved than they find it.

It is most common for a gentleman to avoid an argument at all costs, but when forced to engage in an argument, he does so with the utmost tact. A true gentleman will not waste another’s time with pointless side arguments, he gets to the point and makes his case, he does not argue around the point and leave the issue unresolved. Everything that a gentleman does is done with an purpose and a reason.

I love this selection by Newman, it really reminds me of my upbringing. Raised in the catholic church, attending catholic all-boys high school, where we were taught to be southern gentlemen. And now even in college, I attend a smaller university and I am part of a fraternity that stresses the importance of being men of class. The definition of a gentleman is always evolving, but the concepts and ideas that provide the scaffolding to that definition remain the same throughout time.